Marriage

      At some point in your life I hope that you will want to get married. In today's society, the media almost equates marriage to horror. That is really a shame because marriage is such a vital part of our human experience. Not just humans either, there are some species that mate for life. I do pray that you, my grandchildren, will not enter into marriage lightly. I do not claim to be an expert, but having been married over forty one years does give me some latitude.
      Marriage is a Commitment to one another. In order to enter into this commitment, it is vital that you understand what a commitment means. The Webster dictionary defines commitment as "a : an act of committing to a charge or trust: as (1) : a consignment to a penal or mental institution (2) : an act of referring a matter to a legislative committee, a : an agreement or pledge to do something in the future;especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date

b : something pledged

c : the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionallyimpelled <a commitment to a cause>" (m-w.com). Obviously, the media stopped reading after the first definition, lawyers stopped after the second, and a major portion of people never bothered to look it up at all, considering the rate of divorce. I hope that you, my grandchildren, realize that marriage is so much more.

       Finding the right words to explain marriage is not an easy task. For me, marriage has meant that I pledged the rest of my life to your grandfather. I'm sure you may be shaking your head and thinking "how can you do that?". Honestly, it was very easy. I was nineteen and like so many, really did not understand what I was committing to. I thought I was "in love". Let me be the first to admit that when you get married you are not in love. You may love traits in the other person, there is lust, but in love,No!

      Real love comes from above, through God's grace, as the two of you become one, living together and facing all of the challenges that you encounter on your journey together. Trust me this is a journey, full of mistakes, but one that gives an insurmountable amount of joy, satisfaction and peace. I can say that because I have made many mistakes along the way. This is where God's grace is visual. Your Grandfather has stood beside me, seen the worst of me, and still says "You are the best of me and the only one that I will ever love". In this day of lightning speed divorces, many consider us an anomaly. I would disagree. There are many couples who are committed for the long haul. I would venture to say, though, the one constant among them is their faith in God and their belief in their vows. 

        Marriage is work, hard work. Taking someone for better or worse, in sickness and in health, to love and respect until death you do part is not for the weak. What you can depend on is that God will give you the strength to endure everything that you encounter together if you allow him. I know this personally. We have been through the proverbial good times and some really bad times. Getting through the bad times is hard, but nothing can compare with a parent's loss of their child. When ever things were extremely difficult, I would often take that into consideration and say "This too shall pass". God's strength reminding me that he was there to lean upon and carry my load when I couldn't carry anymore.

       We have been blessed with three beautiful children and up to now, the four of you. When I look at your parents, I realize that your Grandfather and I have received the most incredible blessing from above. God brought them into our lives and by his grace, he allowed them to bring you too. 

       Now we are entering a new phase in our marriage. We are aging and one thing I am realizing is just how much I truly love your Grandfather. Your parents always joked about our "date nights to Barnes & Noble". It wasn't important where we went, it was that we were together and we made time to talk. We have both spent our entire marriage learning how to truly communicate with each other. We've had to learn how to accept each other with our faults and make compromises because of them. We have had to learn real respect for the other. I'm not perfect, so this has been an extremely hard lesson for me especially. Patience is an ongoing lesson for me, one which I have yet been able to  conquer. God is still teaching me and by his grace, I hope that you are learning from me and with me. 

I know that I am learning from all of you everyday and I thank God for these lessons. 

      My prayer for you, my grandchildren, is for you to find the partner that God has intended for you and that you embrace marriage and the commitment that it involves, the happiness and sadness that it will bring, and the everlasting joy that only God can bless you with, grandchildren of your own. 

Grandma loves you higher than the highest moon and deeper than the ocean.

 

Change

      It has been said that " the only constant in this life is change". This is very true and probably should be included with the sentiment,"there are only two truths-you have to pay taxes and you will die". When you think of the word itself, so many images come to mind-physical, emotional, visual, people, places, things. A myriad of images. The only thing that you can control with change is how you react to that change. Will you be devastated? Will you be harmed? Is it for the better? Will you grow from the change? What can you do to make it easier on yourself, even those around you ?
     The first step for any change is to take a deep breath. Realize that in this world we inhabit, changes are occurring every minute on every level. From the environment to the molecular, change is ongoing. The real question is what are you doing to make the change a positive? How can you improve the outcome of any change? At  times, you will have to dig deep into your soul to even handle the change yourself, much less try to improve the outcome. How can you make it better for you, or anyone else? I have found, after taking a deep breath, the next step is to pray.
     Prayer is my form of therapy. I can talk openly and freely to God. Knowing that he does not judge me for  expressing my feelings, allows me the freedom to release my anxieties, fears, hurts, condemnations, insecurities, uncertainties, anything. I am human. I strive to be the person that I know I was intended to be, but making mistakes all along the way. Mistakes that caused a change in my life and the consequences that have made me grow, and hopefully, learn from. Learning from your mistakes is, itself, change. When this change occurs, you either improve or you continue to make that same mistake over and over until you turn it into the positive. My prayer is that you will learn quickly from the mistakes you've made,  forgive yourself for making them and change in a positive atmosphere to make your life and the life of those around you better because of them.