I spoke to my Mom last night as I often do. During our conversation, she mentioned that she might have had a slight stroke a couple days ago and then went right on talking. Even though it was pretty late I said "What did you just say?". Mom, in her usual manner, stated "it's not a big deal. There isn't anything they can do anyway". The news is full of hurricane Sandy, Mom's in Maryland, I'm in Florida. Can you guess how much sleep I got last night especially when the last thing she said was "I really don't feel well tonight. Can you call me in the morning?".
Mom has reached the stage of life where she is needing more help, but fiercely fighting to maintain her independence. During the time that I have been in Florida, my sister has been her main caregiver. The problem is that my sister is fighting her own battle with MS. I have spent many hours praying, experiencing feelings of helplessness and frustration because I have not been able to be there for my mother and my sister. I realize that many families go through this but when you are in the thick of it, you are not focused on that fact. I know that my sister has experienced many of the same feelings as I, but she has also had to deal with resentment. I am aware of this because it has caused problems in our relationship. She is trying, in her own way, to handle her problems and Mom's. I know that she doesn't have time to think about my health problems, or the energy to care. That's alright. I do try to understand. I realize that she may not always believe it, but I love her very much and miss her even more.
My sister and I are in different stages of life. My children are grown and on their own, her children are in the early college years. For the past eight years, she has been the example of the sandwich generation, more prevalent today than ever before. Even though we are five years apart in age, I had my children in my twenties, while her children came in her thirties. As she and her husband experience the empty nest for the first time, I am enjoying the activities of my grandchildren when I am able.
What all of this has taught me- no matter what I love my sister. Through the years, she has been my best friend and my worst foe. I know that deep down, no matter what, we have each other's backs when it matters. We have both been supportive and hurtful to each other, but what really matters at the end of the day- I forgive her for hurting me at times and hope that she forgives me. Love of family should never be taken for granted. You are not guaranteed a certain amount of time on this earth and we are not privy to our last moment here either. Love while you can!
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